As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
