Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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