He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
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he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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