BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
