I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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