the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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