i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
