I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
