There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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