I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
