i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't turn off my feet"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
