you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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