Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
