If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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