Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
sex in a hospital.. check
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
