I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
