you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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