I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
