she woke up with a sticky ear
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
