Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I will be naked everywhere
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
