they need to just BURY HIM!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
