and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
