Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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