All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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