I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This house was built for laser tag.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
