I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
