So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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