You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
