There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Everclear isn't food dammit
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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