best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
