we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
