Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
