this beer tastes like vomit already
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
