where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
