I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
