I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
