I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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