Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
