some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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