Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
