Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
