You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
