i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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