Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
