wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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