Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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