do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
