He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
