On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
