Is it normal to miss your booty call?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she told me i tasted like america
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
