she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
