Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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