is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
