I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
