feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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