I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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