Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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