i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
