I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
