What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
