i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
