I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
