Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
