the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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