Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can text with my tongue
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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