I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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