im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
