On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
