you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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