I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
