I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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